


5 Ways To Ruin A Turkey

by tygermine



Series: Merthur Long Shots [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Camelot Drabble Holiday Exchange Fest, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tygermine/pseuds/tygermine
Summary: 5 times Uther didn't get turkey for Christmas and 1 time he did.
Relationships: Gwaine/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Long Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630558
Comments: 45
Kudos: 280
Collections: merthur





	1. The Christmas They Met

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dhampir1508](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dhampir1508).



> Winner of the 2020 Headline Award  
> Camelot's Choice - Fan Favourite
> 
> I got the cutest prompts for this.  
> All my favourite tropes that I mushed into a 5+1 fic, cos who doesn't like those?  
> Fluff, Smut, Friends to Lovers, Fake Relationship and turkeys.
> 
> dhampir1508, I hope you enjoy this little offering of mine. Merry Christmas!

A Christmas Turkey by Nigella Lawson

[ https://www.nigella.com/recipes/spiced-and-superjuicy-roast-turkey ](https://www.nigella.com/recipes/spiced-and-superjuicy-roast-turkey)

_“Put the water into your largest cooking pot or a bucket or plastic bin. Squeeze the juice from the orange quarters into the water before you chuck the husks in, then add all the other ingredients, stirring to combine the salt, sugar, syrup and runny honey.”_

Uther stood in the kitchen staring down at the bird soaking in a plastic bucket of brine. It didn’t seem natural to almost pickle a bird, but what Nigella instructed, Uther did, as though her words were gospel.

Arthur sauntered into the kitchen to grab another bottle of wine from the fridge.

“I don’t think the turkey will get into the oven by the mere force of your will, father.”

“Nobody likes a smart arse,” Uther replied distractedly as he reread the instructions he’d printed off the internet. He glanced at his son. “Don’t get drunk until after our guests have arrived.”

“Guests? We never have guests for Christmas. Got a new girlfriend?”

Uther rolled his eyes in a way Arthur had not often seen in his life. His father was certainly becoming more fun the older he got. “It’s not a new girlfriend, but I am reconsidering it. Maybe she’ll treat your trust fund better than you do.”

“Oh ouch.” It was an old joke between them ever since Arthur took his first payout, invested in a start-up that exploded and now Arthur’s trust fund was merely pin money compared to what the start-up was making. “So, who is so important that you’re having a stare-off with a turkey instead of just ordering from Taj Mahal like we always do?”

“Well, since you were nice enough to set up a Facebook account for your old man, I got in contact with some old friends. I have invited some of them to dinner. They should be here soon, so please, spare the Chablis until they arrive.”

As if cued in a movie, the doorbell rang from the other side of the house.

“Be a good son and get that for me? Leave your glass here, Dean Martin.”

Arthur gave his father a mock salute and headed towards the front door, bypassing the living room where he hoped Morgana and Gwaine had detached themselves from each other and were ensuring all their buttons were buttoned.

He pulled the heavy walnut door open and plastered a smile on his face.

“Ding dong merrily on high!”

He shut the door on the carolers’ faces. He hated carolers and this lot had the gumption to dress up as if they were waiting for the Tardis to take them to Dicken’s London.

He returned to the kitchen and grabbed his glass. “Wasn’t them.”

Uther nodded as he muttered the instructions and wearily eyed the baking dish, comparing it to the size of the turkey in the bucket. “Surely it will fit.”

The doorbell rang again.

Arthur decided to take his glass with him and returned to the front door.

“Hello!”

There were three people on his doorstep. He waited a few moments to see if they were going to break out into song. Instead, the younger man shuffled and rubbed at his nose with his mittened hand. The older man frowned and the woman who was with them smiled widely.

“Arthur? Did your father tell you we were coming?”

“You must be his Facebook friends. Please, do come in.” He ignored the way the young man snorted in amusement.

Once inside, coats on the rack, bags in the cupboard, Arthur led them to the living room, speaking loudly to alert Morgana that the guests had arrived. To her credit, Morgana had moved to the bar and was pouring glasses of mulled wine while Gwaine had disappeared. Hopefully to the kitchen to help Uther.

Arthur ushered the guests to the sofa. The young man sat down, jerked slightly, dug behind him and pulled a bright blue bra from between the cushions. He caught Morgana’s eye and shared a wink with her before subtly returning it to its hiding spot. Arthur felt himself blush furiously.

He quickly handed out the drinks and went to stand closer to the fireplace as if to explain his red cheeks.

“I’m sorry, but Arthur didn’t bother to introduce us. I’m Morgana.”

The woman spoke up. “Hunith Emrys and this is my brother-in-law, Gaius and my son, Merlin.”

“So,” Morgana took a wingback chair on Hunith’s side of the sofa. “How do you know my father?”

“Ygraine, actually. We were at university together.”

Morgana and Arthur froze. Uther had never really talked about Ygraine, only the occasional tidbit that they kept close to their hearts. Things like poppies being Ygraine’s favourite flower, or that she really liked Kate Bush. Here sat someone that knew her and hopefully, she’d share what she knew.

“I’ll have you know, Nigella is never wrong!” 

There was a clang and a bang and Uther was suddenly in the living room.

“Hunith! What a pleasure to see you! Thank you for coming.” They hugged in a way that made the younger guests suspicious. That wasn’t how you hugged an old friend, was it? Arthur certainly never hugged his friends like that.

Uther shook Gaius’ hand and they shared a joke before Gaius excused himself to the kitchen to see if he could help. Merlin leaned over to Morgana, shared a quick whispered conversation before they both disappeared into the kitchen. Arthur felt abandoned and decided to join the party in the kitchen.

Gwaine and Gaius were whispering over the turkey when he stepped through the door.

“I told him it should have gone in about an hour ago, but he was insistent that the instructions allowed for two and a half hours. At this rate, we’ll only eat at nine.” Gwaine was explaining to Gaius.

“We could always microwave it? Has he at least turned the oven on to preheat?”

They glanced at the oven, which simply blinked back with the wrong time on its display.

Arthur left them to it and went out into the conservatory just off the kitchen. Morgana and Merlin were sitting in the far corner, heads bent close and sharing a cigarette as if they were teenagers, which Arthur strongly suspected Merlin was.

“I thought you’d quit,” he said looking pointedly at the cigarette in Morgana’s fingers.

“Tis the season and all that. I’ll make it my New Years resolution.” She smirked at him. “Arthur, did you know Merlin is also a Chelsea fan. You two can commiserate together on that.”

With a final drag of the cigarette, she handed it to Merlin and left to help in the kitchen.

A lengthy silence stretched between them. Merlin coughed and put out the cigarette.

“From the way my mom was talking, I thought this would be a lot more...Downton Abbey.”

“My father gives the staff leave over the holidays.”

“Has he ever made a turkey before?”

“No. We usually just get a curry, but I think he wants to impress your mum.”

Merlin snorted. “Weirder things have happened.”

Indeed. 

“Look,” Merlin stood up. “I have my own Christmas traditions, I’m just indulging mum because I’ve been away for a while, but I always watch Die Hard on Christmas eve. So, do you have a quiet corner I can go hide for a while where I won’t be missed?”

“We’re not such bad company, are we?”

“No. I just… I’m going to sound like a wanker, but I literally just got off a plane and I just need an hour or so to get my head together before I’ll be good company.”

Thing is, Arthur loved Die Hard.

“I know just the place.”

They ended up ordering Indian anyway and ate the turkey on Boxing Day.


	2. The Christmas With The Engagement

A Christmas Turkey by Jamie Oliver

[ https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/turkey-recipes/the-best-roast-turkey-christmas-or-any-time/ ](https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/turkey-recipes/the-best-roast-turkey-christmas-or-any-time/)

_ “Give your turkey a good wipe, inside and out, with kitchen paper, and place it on a board, with the neck end towards you. Find the edge of the skin that's covering the turkey's breasts and gently peel it back. Work your fingers and then your hand under the skin, freeing it from the meat. If you're careful you should be able to pull all the skin away from the meat, keeping it attached at the sides. Go slowly and try not to make any holes!” _

“So, are they coming over this year?” Morgana was tinny through the speaker of his phone as Arthur braved the crowds in Selfridges. 

After last Christmas, he and Merlin had become friends, much to his surprise if he was being honest. Merlin was sharp as a tack, funny and he inspired Arthur to be kinder. Merlin ran a non-profit that stepped in where parents have stepped out of children’s lives. His organisation taught kids everything, from how to budget to sex education to trade skills. Arthur had made more than one anonymous donation to the organisation over the year.

He stood in front of the tea selection and sighed. “Yes, Morgana, for the third time. Why do you keep pestering me about this?

“I just want to make sure everything goes well. Maybe this year we can actually eat the turkey on Christmas Eve instead of boxing day.”

“I don’t know, I think some butter chicken beats turkey any day.”

“Don’t jinx it. I already have Gwaine on turkey duty with Uther.”

“I heard Gaius was part of that too. Merlin said Gaius had been researching for weeks on proper turkey etiquette and herbs and stuff.”

“Oh, Merlin said,” Morgana’s tone was all smirk.

“Morgana,” Arthur warned.

“Oh come on. Make his wish come true and ask the man out already. The UST between you two last Christmas was stifling.”

“There is no UST between us. You need to stop reading Gwaine’s Star Trek fanfiction. It’s not real life.”

Morgana sighed dramatically. “If only it were, you’d be balls deep in him and a lot happier.”

“Goodbye, Morgana.” Arthur ended the call and grabbed a box of imported Oolong tea for Hunith. He knew she liked it but couldn’t afford it. He also selected a bag of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee beans for Merlin, who should actually be going to rehab for his caffeine addiction. 

When Arthur got to Uther’s house, he was met with some heartening aromas coming from the kitchen. 

Alexa was playing old Christmas songs as Gwaine, Gaius and Uther all stood around the oven, staring at the turkey inside.

“Should we baste it?” Gwaine asked.

“We just based it about ten minutes ago,” replied Uther.

“Every half hour according to the recipe,” added Gaius.

“Smells good,” Arthur placed his shopping bags on the counter and headed to the fridge for a glass of wine. He usually didn’t drink before 5pm, but the holidays gave a certain license to start from breakfast already. He poured four glasses, emptying the bottle of Chardonnay and placing it in the recycling bin, which was starting to look worryingly full for only the first day of the holiday.

He handed out the glasses to thanks from the men.

“Now to start on the stuffing,” said Gaius, pulling the pancetta and bread closer.

Arthur leaned over and read some of the recipe instructions. “Are you sure that’s a recipe and not the kama sutra?”

Uther huffed a laugh. “I’d like to keep the illusion that you’re a virgin, if you’ll please.”

“My gift to you,” Arthur lifted his glass in cheers while Gwaine made a contrite face behind Uther. “What about Morgana?”

“The less I acknowledge, the better for my sanity,” Uther shot a glance at Gwaine who decided that the kitchen cabinet required intense study.

“Arthur, there’s a barrel of parsnips that you can start peeling,” Gaius gave him a pointed look. Arthur looked at his watch. “Oh, would you look at that. I have very important things to do in the study.”

He made a quick getaway.

* * *

That night, when everyone had arrived and were at least two mulled wines in, gifts were exchanged. 

Hunith cooed over her tea and Uther rumbled happily at the scotch Gaius had bought him. Gwaine sat by the tree, handing out the gifts and seemed to get jumpier with each gift that was opened. Merlin had hugged Arthur for the coffee and blushed when Arthur laughed at the Garfield socks he’d received. 

“Is Garfield still a thing?” Morgana had asked, but the two just exchanged a look before bursting out laughing.

The kiss Morgana and Gwaine shared when he’d opened her gift of golf lessons had left Arthur blushing and glancing at Merlin. He wouldn’t mind it, would he? Merlin kissing him like that for something as stupid as novelty socks. The idea made his stomach do weird swoops that he tried to ignore. Merlin wouldn’t want that with him. They’re friends. Good friends. He was good at being friends. He wasn’t good at being a boyfriend.

“Morgana,” Gwaine’s voice had an odd wobble to it. “There’s another gift here.”

He pulled a box out from beneath the tree and handed it to her with a soft kiss. Morgana smiled and undid the ribbon holding the lid on the box. Her smile dropped as she saw what was inside.

“So...I was wondering...if you want...would you want to-”

Gwaine didn’t get to finish his sentence as Morgana threw herself at him and kissed him breathless.

“Yes,” she finally replied.

“Yes to what?” Arthur asked, not sure what exactly was going on. Merlin leaned close to his ear. 

“There’s a ring, Arthur. What do you think is going on?”

“Engaged? You’re engaged! You just… that’s so... “ He saw his sister’s smile slip. “Well done! Congratulations! We need champagne!” He hurried to the cellar and pulled two bottles of champagne from the fridge.

The turkey was forgotten.

They ordered Chinese this time and Merlin let him have the last egg roll.


	3. The Christmas With The Partners

A Christmas Turkey by Martha Stewart

[ https://www.marthastewart.com/319233/maple-syrup-glazed-roast-turkey-with-rie ](https://www.marthastewart.com/319233/maple-syrup-glazed-roast-turkey-with-rie)

_“ During the last half hour of roasting, place grated ginger in a small, double layer of cheesecloth; squeeze juice into a small saucepan. Add maple syrup and 1 tablespoon butter. Heat the mixture until the butter has melted and is bubbling. Remove the maple-syrup glaze from heat.”_

“I can’t believe he brought a date!” Arthur was whispering to Morgana as he stood in the kitchen peeling carrots and potatoes.

“Can I point out that you too brought a date. Pot, kettle.” Morgana lazily stirred the gravy while drinking a glass of Pinot Noir.

“Yes, but this is my family event and his boyfriend is not family.”

“But you’re acknowledging that Merlin is. If I had to unpack that, it would have reeked of Game of Thrones incest.”

Arthur shot her a withering glare to which she simply laughed.

“I hope I’m not the butt of that joke,” said Chris walking into the kitchen to peck Arthur on the cheek and help himself to some of Arthur’s wine.

“Oi, get your own. The bottle’s in the fridge.”

“But it tastes better from your glass,” Chris smirked. Morgana made a gagging face behind his back. Chris refilled his glass and with a parting kiss to Arthur left the kitchen.

“I can’t believe you’re still with him. Why didn’t you just bring Merlin as your date to the wedding and be done with it.”

“I like Chris. He’s funny and smart and-”

“A gold digging dipshit if you ask me.”

“I didn’t. And keep your voice down. Where’s Merlin anyway?”

Morgana shrugged. “Last I heard, he was showing Bea to the bathroom.”

“What kind of name is that anyway. Bea? It’s a letter, not a full name. Stupid, sodding, lazy naming if you ask me.”

“Arthur, I said this on my wedding and I’ll say it again - you missed your window and now you’re sulking. Get over it. Either dump the arsehole and tell Merlin how you feel or shut up and get on with your life.” She placed the wooden spoon on a saucer beside the pan. “I’m bored. See you later, little brother.”

Uther occasionally entered the kitchen to baste the turkey and critique Arthur’s peeling skills until Arthur dropped the peeler in his hands with a ' _you bloody well do it_ ' and left to find Chris. 

He dragged Chris from the living room and up to his old bedroom. Once the door was closed, he pulled Chris against him, undid his pants and gently pushed Chris to his knees. Chris was enthusiastically obliging and Arthur had to bite his lip from gasping Merlin’s name when he came. He returned the favour by pushing Chris against the door and jerking him off from behind, teeth biting into his neck.

As they exited the room, Merlin and Bea exited the guest room looking debauched. 

Both couples froze as they caught sight of each other. Merlin gave Bea a kiss and muttered something to her because she blushed, nodded and headed downstairs.

“I’m suddenly very thirsty,” Chris said and gave Arthur a sloppy kiss before following Bea downstairs.

The two friends kept staring until Arthur cleared his throat. “Watching Die Hard?”

Merlin snorted. “Something like that.” He sighed. “Have you lost my number?”

“What?”

“Ever since the wedding you’ve ignored my messages. Did I do something wrong? Is it Bea? I know you’re not fond of new people but she’s lovely. Maybe if we all had dinner together you could actually talk to her and get to know her.”

“I haven’t been ignoring you. It’s just been a very busy year, okay?”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“Oh fuck you, Emrys. I’m not the one who brought someone they’d only known for a month to my sister’s wedding.”

“No, you brought someone you met the night before on Grindr to your sister’s wedding.”

“I wasn’t about to go to my sister’s wedding alone!”

“You wouldn’t have had to go alone!”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You would have had Bea arrange a blind date? I’m not at that level of pathetic just yet, Merlin.”

“You know what? Just forget it. I can’t- just- leave it.”

Merlin stormed downstairs and wouldn’t look Arthur in the eye the rest of the dinner.

Everyone cheered as Uther brought the turkey to the table.

Unfortunately, the maple syrup basting had turned to toffee.

They decided to eat the vegetables as the Chinese place had gone out of business and the Taj Mahal was closed as Vineet had taken his family to Australia on holiday.

  
  



	4. The Christmas With The Big Announcement

A Vegan Christmas Turkey by Alice  Slànachadh

_ (Recipe burned in a cooking accident) _

“No turkey this year?” Arthur examining the case of wine Uther had delivered to the house.

“No, Gaius’ new lady friend offered to bring it this year. Apparently, it's a brilliant recipe, so I want to try it and maybe get the recipe from her.” Uther was sipping coffee and reading The Times at the kitchen counter.

“So the Emrys clan will be with us again.”

“Yes, and don’t think I haven’t noticed you moping ever since last Christmas. I don’t want to know what transpired between you and Merlin but if it was the cause of you getting rid of that Chris character then I can only think it’s a good thing.”

“Merlin had nothing to do with it. I just...it fizzled out.” After Arthur caught Chris trying to steal money from him. “Why is there alcohol-free bubbly in here?”

Uther lifted the paper to hide his face. “Must have been a mix up at the store. Morgana ordered the wine,” he muttered.

Arthur simply shrugged, cracked open a bottle of Chenin Blanc and retired to the living room. Listlessly, he turned on the tv and channel surfed until he gave up and logged onto his streaming account to find something distracting.

“Are they bringing the vegetables as well?” He called to Uther, realising that the kitchen had been void of any food.

Uther came through to the living room carrying a tin of Quality Street and a glass of wine. “Morgana said she would take care of it this year as well."

“How very domesticated.”

“You have no idea.”

Arthur reached over and selected a green triangle from the tin. Attempting absolute nonchalance, he took a bite of the chocolate. “So, is Merlin bringing Bea this year?”

“I don’t invest myself in the love lives of you youngsters, Arthur.”

“It was an innocent question.”

“Maybe you should put on the Black Adder Christmas special and leave Merlin’s business to him instead.”

They had reached the point where Black Adder was rampaging at Queen Victoria when the doorbell rang.

Arthur answered the door to Hunith with Merlin in tow. Hunith mentioned between season’s greetings that Gaius and Alice were running a few minutes late, but were on their way. Merlin just smiled wanly and took up his usual spot in the conservatory for a sneaky cigarette before joining them in the living room once Morgana and Gwaine arrived, weighed down by glassware.

The vegetables had been set on the sideboard food warmers as they waited Gaius and Alice’s arrival.

Merlin had disappeared again.

Arthur snuck upstairs and found Merlin sitting on the bed of the guest room watching Die Hard on his tablet.

They hadn’t spoken since the fight last Christmas and Arthur hated to admit it, but he missed Merlin in his life and he had to make this right.

Merlin looked up as Arthur entered the room holding up a bottle of wine and the dregs of the tin from downstairs.

“I only have strawberry creams and some toffee fingers left, but is it okay if I join you?”

“Dibs on the toffee fingers,” Merlin said, shuffling over to make space for Arthur. He handed him the earphone from his right ear and then turned the movie back on. As they watched John McClane take on a skyscraper full of German bad guys, they shared the bottle of Shiraz, drinking straight from the bottle.

They ignored the sound of the doorbell ringing and everyone exchanging season wishes as they watched John drag his bloody feet across the shattered glass on the floor of the office building.

“Yippee kai yay, mother fucker,” they said in time with the movie and shared a smile.

Arthur wanted to keep this moment alive for as long as he could. Just him and Merlin in the dark with their favourite movie playing, sitting next to each other. 

It was a strange feeling that crept over Arthur and it took him a few moments to identify the weightlessness he felt, only the casual touch of Merlin’s knee against his leg keeping him anchored.

Peace. Arthur was at perfect peace.

He leaned over and gently kissed Merlin on the cheek.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Merlin blushed and smiled. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“This. You. I missed this and I know I haven’t been the best person this year. So, you know. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, you weirdo.” Merlin turned back to the movie, but shuffled just a little closer to Arthur.

After the movie and with the wine finished, the boys make their way downstairs and as with as much stealth as possible, slip into their seats at the table. Gaius placed the turkey on the table and as host, it was Uther’s responsibility to carve it. He peeled off the foil to reveal...something brown, but it certainly wasn’t a turkey.

“I’m sorry Alice, but I’m sure you said you were bringing the turkey this year.” Uther was trying to be polite through his clenched teeth.

“Oh, no, Uther. I said I’d bring the roast. This is a vegan turkey roast. All plant-based protein and delicious.”

Uther turned a strange shade of purple that had nothing to do with the wine he had earlier. Arthur could only stare in horror at the scene playing out in front of him. He watched Uther’s grip on the carving knife tighten and tilt in a very peculiar way as if aimed for Alice’s throat. He saw Gaius gently take Alice’s hand and pulled her closer towards him. From his periphery, he saw Morgana stand up and loudly clear her throat.

“In other news,” she announced, catching Uther’s attention. “I’m pregnant!”

In the ensuing rounds of congratulations, Arthur removed the offending vegan roast from the table and cut it up to look like the stuffing which he then placed in a different dish.

Lucky for them, Uther remained distracted by Morgana’s pregnancy announcement that Gaius and Alice had left before he returned to the vegan turkey situation.

“I don’t ask for much out of life. I only have steak twice a month, I watch my salt intake during the year so that for one day of it, I can sit down and eat a fucking turkey, not some plant-based protein! I want a bird that was covered in feathers, overfed and finally slaughtered! It is my right as a man, is it not?!”

“Absolutely,” Merlin agreed. “But to be fair to Alice, the roast vegan thing was actually tasty if you weren’t trying to pretend it was a bird.”

Uther simply glared at him.

“At least we’re still keeping up the tradition of not having turkey for Christmas,” said Arthur, munching down on a mince pie and sharing a smile with Merlin.


	5. The Christmas Where A Lot Happened

A Christmas Turkey by Marks and Spencer

(There is no recipe. Just turn on the oven, pop it in and wait for the plastic plunger to pop up.)

“I really don’t understand, Merlin. You’re coming to the house tomorrow anyway, so why the emergency meet up now?”

Arthur stood in the Hope and Anchor and watched Merlin neck a pint in an impressive display of speed and desperation. He had called Arthur twenty minutes earlier in a flat panic begging him to meet Merlin at the pub.

The empty pint glass landed with a dull thud on the bar. Merlin left a fiver on the bar with the glass and pulled Arthur out the door and onto the pavement outside. He kept up a fast pace as he led Arthur towards Soho.

“Right, so, company Christmas party is tonight-” Merlin checked his watch “-now, actually. And I need you to be my loving boyfriend for the night.”

Arthur perked up at hearing ‘boyfriend’ come from Merlin’s mouth. The way he pronounced it may have been sarcastic, but Arthur only heard ‘permission to hold Merlin’s hand and kiss him’, which has been something he’d wanted to desperately do since last Christmas.

Only, Merlin had kept him at arm’s length all year. He maintained a respectable few inches between them whenever they were seated next to each other, or when they walked down the street. There were no lingering touches or arms thrown casually over shoulders. Merlin had essentially made himself untouchable and it scratched at Arthur like a sunburn.

He saw his chance and changed Merlin’s grip from his wrist to thread their fingers together.

“You going to tell me why you need a boyfriend all of a sudden?” Arthur asked as they passed the Chairman’s Arms. Merlin stumbled for a moment before regaining his stride.

“You remember that trip to Italy in May? We were all eating at that place on the hill by the truffle farm?” 

Arthur nodded. It had been an awesome trip that he wished had taken a more romantic turn, but such was his luck.

“So, Morgana framed the picture they took and left it in my office. People saw it, made assumptions, so now you need to pretend. Please?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Only you, Emrys.”

* * *

Waking up on Christmas Eve with a hangover lost its appeal once one was over thirty.

Waking up hungover with your crush naked in bed with you?

That all depended on how the crush would react to the situation.

Arthur sat up against the headboard, too scared to breathe in case he did something to upset Merlin before he even woke up.

What a night it had been and Arthur knew he shouldn’t be selfish wanting more, but what he did get, he was going to cherish for the rest of his life.

Merlin rolled onto his side, reached out an arm and draped it over Arthur’s legs. He shuffled closer and nosed at Arthur’s hip. 

That was a good sign, right? After all, last night Merlin spent an awfully long time between Arthur’s legs. There was a love bite blooming on his inner thigh, right at the apex, to the left of his balls. Merlin had worked on it while his fingers were doing all sorts of teasing and prodding at Arthur's pucker. 

There were teeth marks on Merlin’s shoulder from Arthur who had bitten down on the flesh when he came, to stop himself from blurting out a proposal to elope at that moment.

Arthur’s lips were still raw from Merlin fucking his mouth in the toilet stall at the Christmas party.

Merlin shuffled against Arthur, his arm bumping against Arthur’s cock, which was plumping up with memories from the night before. It was impossible to miss and when it twitched against Merlin’s inner elbow, it got his attention.

Arthur watched as Merlin leaned back and cracked his eyes open.

“Bloody hell,” Merlin muttered and rolled over completely to sit up. His back was to Arthur, bowed, and his head hung low. “I am never drinking cranberry anything ever again.”

“Was...was it that bad?” Arthur muttered, swinging his legs off the bed too. They were in his apartment. He had nowhere to run to.

“Worse,” Merlin replied and heaved himself to his feet with a heavy sigh. He began picking up his clothes and dressing. “I have to go home and die for a few hours. See you tonight.”

Arthur grunted a response and crawled into the shower. He could feel Merlin’s come leak out of him as he stood under the spray and contemplated various excuses to get out of Christmas Eve dinner.

* * *

Uther was standing guard at the oven, watching the turkey as if he expected it to suddenly explode.

The kitchen counter was crowded with ready-made sides all waiting to be microwaved.

"We're having a turkey this year even if I have to kill everyone here," stated Uther as Arthur entered the kitchen.

"I'm sure the judge will be lenient should you be charged."

"Pour us a drink, will you?"

"You're literally a step from the fridge," Arthur felt the need to point out.

"If I look away from this bird for a second, something terrible will happen. So, you're on drinks duty."

Arthur obliged, opening an Australian chardonnay. "There seems to have been a gift explosion under the tree. Did they self propagate overnight?"

Uther shuffled on the spot and crossed his arms. "Not that I noticed."

"You're going to spoil Siobhan rotten," admonished Arthur jokingly.

"It's my right as a grandparent. Just like it’s my right to have a sodding turkey on Christmas Eve."

Arthur raised in hands in supplication.

They finished the wine as the doorbell rang. The Emrys and Grant clans arrived at the same time and soon the house was filled with the kind of noise that only occurs when families gather. Laughter, jokes and teasing all round. The party moved to the kitchen to keep Uther company while he kept an eagle eye on the turkey.

Merlin was quieter than usual. He kept to the background, barely speaking and nursing a glass of wine.

Arthur sidled up to him and invited him upstairs for their annual Die Hard appreciation watch. To his surprise, Merlin shook his head and headed to the living room to entertain the baby.

When it came time for the gifts, Merlin busied himself by handing them out before heading to the kitchen to help Uther microwave the sides.

Arthur followed him.

"What the bloody hell is your problem?" Arthur snapped as he entered the kitchen.

Uther jumped at his tone as Merlin shoved the brussel sprouts into the microwave.

"Excuse me?" Uther hissed.

"Not you, him." Arthur gestured to Merlin. "You've been avoiding me all night. What? Was I not good enough of a shag for you? You couldn't run out fast enough this morning."

"Excuse me?" Uther gasped.

"It was fine." Merlin crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. "I just needed to get home."

"Oh, so now I'm just another notch in your belt? I can be your pretend boyfriend but you can't even say thank you for that."

"Fine. Thank you for being a good sport and playing along. I'm not going to thank you for the pity fuck."

Uther made a choking sound.

"Pity fuck? Are you having a laugh?" Arthur spluttered.

"What else would you call it?"

"A good time?" suggested Uther.

"You left. You ran," Arthur clenched his fists.

"I woke up and you were just sitting there, staring at me as if you couldn't wait for me to leave." Merlin shifted his weight.

"What? No, you utter idiot! I was...in shock. Okay? I couldn't believe you were actually there. That last night actually happened."

"Yes, we both know you're out of my league and it took a bottle or two of vodka for you to actually get into my pants."

"Out of my...no. Merlin. You're out of _my_ league. I wanted you there. I sat there wishing I could see you like that every day."

"Oh dear Lord," Uther rolled his eyes.

"You...really? I...You...But…" Merlin dropped his arms and hung his head. "You really like me?"

"I thought I was being obvious," whispered Arthur as he closed the distance between them and took Merlin’s hands in his.

"Not obvious enough," Merlin smiled and pulled Arthur in for a kiss.

"Oh for fuck sake!" Uther exclaimed. He opened the oven door to a cloud of smoke. "I knew it!"

The couple jumped apart and exchanged a sheepish grin.

"The turkey is ruined!" 


	6. The Christmas With New Traditions

The Perfect Christmas Turkey by John Williams (Executive Chef- The Ritz)

_Order the turkey a month in advance. Home delivery on special request._

Arthur suckled on the head of Merlin's cock, enjoying the way his thigh muscles clenched under his hands. He licked down to the root then back up before taking Merlin as deep as he could. Gunshots echoed from the tinny speakers of Merlin's tablet as John McClane raced around Nagasaki Towers.

Merlin twisted his fingers in Arthur’s hair, gasping as Arthur hummed.

"Fuck, Arthur. Tell me we have enough time."

Arthur pulled off and licked his lips. "About twenty minutes."

Merlin began pushing his pants down. "Enough time. Take off your pants." 

Arthur gave him a quick kiss before standing up and stripping off his clothes. Merlin pushed himself up to sit against the headboard. He lazily stroked himself. "I want you to ride me."

Grabbing his trousers from the floor, Arthur quickly dug out the sachet of lube and a condom from his pocket. He then climbed onto the bed and straddled Merlin's lap.

Merlin quirked an eye at the condom.

"I'm not going to sit through dinner leaking come into my pants," Arthur explained, rolling his eyes. "Come on." He gestured towards the lube lying on Merlin's stomach.

Merlin pulled him in for a dirty kiss as he quickly got Arthur ready. He was still loose from that morning's session when he fucked Merlin with a vibrating plug in his arse.

Arthur slid the condom onto Merlin and shifted up to line himself up with Merlin's cock. He sank down until just the head was in and paused.

Merlin looked up at him. "What's wrong?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," Merlin smiled and kissed him.

Arthur smiled into the kiss and sank down until he was fully seated.

He began to bounce on Merlin's cock, adjusting his hips until he found the spot inside that caused his blood to fizz. He sped up, chasing his orgasm.

Merlin kissed his neck, hands holding onto his hips, then sliding down to press his fingers against Arthurs rim, feeling his cock slide against it.

"Fuck Arthur."

"I know. I know."

"Dinner's ready. Pause your stupid movie." 

The boys didn't bother to stop at Morgana's voice outside the door.

"We're coming," called Merlin, pushing his hips up to drive himself harder into Arthur.

"I bet you are," muttered Morgana as she walked away.

Arthur began to tremble and grabbed his own cock, stripping it until his muscles seized up and he came, coating Merlin's chest.

Merlin gave one more thrust, grinding himself into Arthur as he orgasmed. Arthur fell against Merlin, heedless of the sticky mess on his chest.

"Think we'll have turkey this year?" Merlin mused in a breathless whisper.

Arthur nodded. "I called in a favour."

It took them a few minutes to clean up and get dressed before they headed downstairs. Uther was beaming at the roast turkey that sat on the dinner table.

"Good of you to join us," he said as the boys took their seats.

"Die Hard is a Christmas tradition," Arthur smirked.

"Let's start a new one where we actually eat turkey and no longer use that movie as a euphemism," retorted Uther.

Merlin choked on his wine.

Arthur patted his back and gave the table a shit-eating grin. "Carve the turkey, old man."

The End.


End file.
